I often wonder why and then I land in to some deeper thinking and the same end result comes to me. Though I am never much clearer at the end, I do still ponder and ponder the depths of my mind to figure out the answer. Maybe you have some
better ideas with me and can share with me and with all of us what or how it
actually is. Though the question is multi faceted, I guess that just means it
is a question that leads on and on by way of itself and of its own nature.
Which comes first, the thought or the feeling? Then the question becomes what makes memory?
Why so you may ask or who even cares? Reasonable enough to think that too!
I wonder and then again I am confident enough to say that I do not believe that just
because we have a thought that we have created a memory. I can have a thought
about something and then I can have a memory of thinking about that thing,
whichever that thing may actually be, though it does not create a memory of
that thing. I can remember thinking something though I do not necessarily mean
that I have created a memory of that thing. And so then it stands to reason for
me that the memory part comes about by our experiences. Why then do they become good memories or bad memories? This must have something to do with and are directly connected to how we feel.
So first must come the thought and then the feeling or is it the feeling that comes
first and then we think about it?
Or do we
create how we feel about something by the way in how we think?
I have good enough control over how I think, yet I have very limited control if any at all over how I feel. I have heard it said that when we put our mind to something we
can achieve anything. I am sure you have heard this line of thinking too. That
statement right there suggests to me that I can overcome and control how I feel
about something when and if I apply my mind to something. Yet feelings come and
they go and as quickly as a feeling may show up for me it can be gone again just
as quickly. No control there at all, yet, my thoughts can linger for ever and I
can continually bring my mind to think about anything I wish to think about.
We are not machines and cannot be programmed like a computer to continue the same task over and over again without any feelings showing up for us and then in course bringing about
change in how we think. Though if we focus hard enough we can change how we feel also?
What I have found many times when I think about a feeling or a thought and the idea of memory is that when I began to shift away from the horrible thoughts in my mind of my sons and their dying and how I miss them so much and what it might be
like today if they were still alive. Darra died when he was aged 15 years of
age and by this year he would be a fine 28 years of age this year. What kind of
a man would he be now? Patrick died when he was 1 year and four months old, the
most beautiful baby boy, what would he be like now as an 11 year old?
I can think about them and feel things immediately and then what I learned was the more that I focus my mind on how beautiful and special they both were from the day of their birth and all of their lives, I can begin to feel warmer smiles come
across my face and the nasty of them dying slips away a bit. So the process of
how we think and what we think can bring up some feelings. Though the memory
part of it stands to reason that is based upon how we felt in any particular
experiences. I can recall or think back to the time when Darra shook his water
bottle at me with full intent to soak me and ran away laughing and daring me to
chase him. He knew I could not catch him because he was around 12 years of age
at the time and to him I was too old to run any more. I could have ran though
would not have caught him. I was a little mad at him for soaking me with water
though I was quite impressed by the cheek of him to take the chance and soak
his father. The moment was mixed with feelings and so the memory was formed. I
can remember it clearly because of a register of feeling associated with the
little event and therefore I can remember it like yesterday. I smile at the
memory as it is a fond nice memory and I believe firmly that the memory formed
because of my feelings and not my thoughts.
I have asked people this question many times too as an example. Do you remember your first day at school? Do you remember the day or do you remember how you felt?
Why would the memory of your first day at school be stronger than let’s say the
same question though we change the day? Do you remember you 100th day
at school as a child? For me I cannot recall my 100th day at school
as I do not recall any significance of that day or there were no huge feelings
involved. Why so? I think it is because I remember more about how I felt in an
experience more so than what I thought about it and for these reasons I say
that our memories are founded in what we feel and not what we think. I recall
how I thought about something though a memory is clearly marked out inside of
me somewhere by a remembering of how I felt. I may not even recall exactly how
I felt that particular day though the memory was created because of a strong
feeling or by the first time I ever had that feeling and so a check mark or box
was ticked inside which has made me never forget it. Do you remember your first
boyfriend or first girlfriend for example? How many of your firsts do you
remember and why?
The purpose
of my thought along these lines was that I needed to rid myself of sad feelings
which were all focussed around the death of my sons and the aftermath I found
myself in. Grief and grieving some people call it. I call it life. My options
were simple at the time of my darkest days. Choose to wallow in it and stay
focussed in my mind on how it was all horrible and sad or look for a way to
make good of the situation of living with grief. Find a way to see the good in
why I must journey along a path now carrying a heavy heart or heavy load known
as loss. Which of course by my way of seeking answers I learned that when I
bring my mind to focus on the negative then the results can be quite negative. I
catch myself saying things sometimes and when I hear my mouth utter negative
words I wonder where oh where does that even come from. I have chosen to be
intentional with my words and intentional with my thinking which means I use
words that will create a nicer life for me. I enjoy my feelings whether they
are good or bad because they are simply feelings and then have the power to
come and go whenever they want to. I feel something and then I think about it
and what will I do now in that feeling. I do not think and think and think some
more to bring about a feeling as those always tend to be the negatives. Like
let me focus on my loss feeling and focus and focus until the point of crying
and angry and pissed of with the world because it is not fair that I had to
loose my babies. I prefer to feel how I feel and see where it brings me and
then see what memories come up for me. Which of course brought me to the
progressive type of thinking which leads me to share with you today some of the
stuff that began to make sense to me. When I created a nice day for myself I
can have nice feelings. #When I create a bad day for myself I can have bad
feelings. With that element of how I choose my day to be then I can create not
the exact feeling though a nicer or worse set of feelings for myself. ~Which
would you choose?
If I tell you that you can simply choose how it is all going to go for you by how you
speak and how you think and how you decide to enjoy or decide not to enjoy your
time in your life, would you believe me?
In order to create anything in your life you can fill your days with nicer feelings and
then your memories will become nicer too because those feelings will register
the memories for you. And not before long will your life and ideas and thoughts
and the words you speak become nicer too. These are all choices I have learned
how to make. For what reason? To not drown myself in feelings and thoughts of
grief and loss and the harsh memories of the nasty things that have occurred.
More so to find a way in where my sons have shown me a way to elevate my
emotional self and find the beauty life has to offer. We can indeed drown ourselves
in guilt and anger and not just anger because of not processing our feelings,
anger from being really pissed off and upset about losing our loved ones. We
can also look for the good in every little situation and we can model our lives
now by seeing the good, feeling the good and thinking about the good. Ah yes,
the reason. The reason being that we are not here for a trial run and we will
be back once we have gone from here, so it makes perfect sense to work today,
right now on creating nicer for ourselves by making nicer our thoughts and in
turn creating nicer experiences for ourselves which in turn then make nicer our
memories. The more the nicer memories you have on your side the easier it can
become to turn a down day in to something nicer by recalling your nicer
memories. Like I said a little while back, I can focus all day long on the loss
and the grief, the nasty and the hurt and the pain I have experienced in being
a man who has lost his children and I can live in a very dark world. By the
same token I can continue to recognise the love and the beauty my children
brought to my life and then begin to see more and more of the love and beauty
in every day life.
To sum it all up. Create nicer memories in your here and now of your life and you will make it through anything. You wanna achieve things in life? Make your days
memorable. You wanna succeed in your life? Build your days with all the nice
love and beauty the world has to offer. When you say you will not enjoy
something before you go and be there in the experience, then you will not enjoy
it. When you say you will never become something, then you will never become
it. Again by the same token when you begin to see that by creating the know how
to feel your way in to knowing you will enjoy something or achieve something
then you will do exactly that too.
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