Part of the grieving process is all about finding articles just like this one here to look to, to find some answers or make some sense of what exactly is going on?
Losing someone at any time in life is a terrible thing and a time where the earth, the world turns into some sort of surreal place with a distorted shape to absolutely everything.
We think that every time someone dies that it is all doom and gloom and because so many people shed tears and cry that it is the most devastating thing to ever happen. Yes losing someone is hurtful and can bring about emotions. There are times that losing an elder relative might just be a relief on the family. It could bring some financial relief as they no longer have to pay the high fees of a nursing home.
There could be relief on the person in the family who has been doing all the caring for the person. Yes caring can mean feeding and bathing and lifting and cleaning. The relief can be to no longer have to care for a loved one while there are so incapacitated.
There can be relief to a family as they no longer wish to see their loved one suffer any kind of pain or going through any kind of severe illness.
We all grieve in different ways, why is that?
What is it that makes grief a little bit torturous for some of us?
The fact that we grieve different can be put down to the simple idea of how we all love a little differently. Our relationship with the person while they were alive is different for everybody and so “they say” sometimes that our grief is a love that we had for someone and now that they are no longer with us, we grief for them. We still have the love for them and now that they are not there for us to express this love or they are no longer with us for us to be able to give our love a place or a person to go to, we “grieve for them” instead of just “love them”.
Grief can be loved turned inside out. The love still exists, we just have to find a way in which to channel it or direct it somewhere. We have been left with nowhere to direct our love for that person anymore.
Making use of our time in finding ANSWERS, this can be a direction to channel our love. When we lose someone in some sort of sudden tragic event, it is very possible that we want answers. We want to know what happened? We want to know what we may have done differently to ever have prevented their death?
We want to know why we did not see this coming?
These are normal questions that we can ask ourselves after somebody close to us dies. They are normal questions to ask in a time of grief.
I have found that during my time grieving, that it has been when i began to STOP looking for answers that the answers came to me. Just like when we are searching for our keys. We can get frantic over the fact we have lost our keys. We search and search and search to a point of anxiety attack, when we find them we forget to breathe deeply and begin again on a more relaxed footing.
In grief we do not find the answers just as easy as we may find our keys, we do not get to go to a relaxed place real easy and just shrug off what it is that is tormenting our brains and causing our emotions to turn like the washing machine in the fast cycle.
I have found that understanding my own emotions has been of great benefit to my own grieving process. The facts that my loved ones are not coming back is a very harsh reality for any of us to deal with ever. This simple little reminder can be enough to break us down on any given day. We do not want to remember this hard fact yet we do not want to ever give up thinking about them. friends will advise you to move and grow out of it. These such friends will only ever understand it, the day they lose a piece of themselves just like we have.
* Can we turn the feelings of sadness into
some form of motivation?
* Can we turn the breathless anxiety attack
into a peaceful calm smile?
* Can we begin to live a life of contentment
after a death?
* Can we ever live again the same?
These are all things we can achieve in our time of grief. It is a journey, a process and it is most definitely different for everybody.
One key piece of advice I have received and would give to anybody who is faced with life after the death of a loved one, “it is a process and you can not rush it, relax as often as possible and check in with your emotions and your mind. Do not allow them run away with you”.
Now that the numbers of deaths due to corona virus are a daily updated thing & if you have lost someone due to this virus, please know that there are many of us out here who grieve everyday for our loved ones too. I know it is not much of a consolation, though it is important to know you are never alone in your grief.
Every person deserves respect whether they are alive or dead, sometimes it is nice to extend a little extra respect to those who have died. They deserve this too.
I have written a few books while I have been on my own journey with grief.
I am very proud of the project and career that my grief has turned in to.
My first ever book TWO sons TOO many, this book is a detailed view of how I came to be where I am today.
My 4th book Layman’s Handbook, this book has been a layout of where and how I found different strengths to live on during my grief and after such traumas in my own life. I used my experiences to share with others, to save them the agony part and share some simple tools to gain a state of relaxed and content in our minds and our emotions.