By
Lfe just keeps happening all around us and we have no magic wand to ever stop it for a minute and take a break. People continue to move forward all around us and sometimes it can feel like everything everyone says is hurtful to us in one way or another. There are times when we are a little more vulnerable and sensitive to every little thing around us and we try to even avoid some people because of how they use their words. Again it is a good time to point out that nobody is trying to be hurtful towards you and it may just be that your sensitivity has been heightened a little and so it feels like things people say are just so totally insensitive. They do not mean it usually.
What is most important are the words we use when we are speaking, both to ourselves and to others. We have heard people comment about others of how “oh they just love the sound of their own voice” this is something we understand and if we think about it for a moment and what it could mean. The person loves to be heard and is always taking the opportunities to speak out loudly among a crowd or in a group, they want to hear themselves talk. Well guess what, we all hear ourselves speaking and the words we use everyday when talking are not only being delivered to whomever we may be speaking with, they are also being heard by ourselves. As we speak there is a slight mumble or murmur that runs up our neck somewhere on the inside, just below our ears. Not only are we hearing the words that we are speaking we are physically feeling them occur right at the time that we are speaking. We hear every word that we say. The words that we use can make a huge difference in our own journey. Not the words we intentionally whisper to ourselves in times of relaxation or the words we speak to ourselves in front of the mirror when speaking to ourselves.
The words we use on a daily basis are constantly being heard by ourselves. A funny piece may be when we are talking at somebody else and we might say “they aren’t even listening” and we are not being heard. Who is the most important person on your journey? You, yes! That is correct, you are the most important person and so when speaking with others or at others, we are hearing every single word we say also. Such use of words and choosing how we speak can make such an amount of difference that it is unbelievable that we may have been our own worst enemy for many years of our lives.
It is possible to be feeling down and disrespected by another and we tell ourselves how the other person treats us with no respect at all. How they speak to us is disrespectful and we deserve more than this. We deserve respect and we are going to demand it of them. This is fine as it is from another person we are seeking the respect and we have justified to ourselves in our mind that they should speak to us better and show us some respect. Now what if I suggest to you that you take the same approach to how you choose your own words on a daily basis? Can you take the same approach as to demand a little respect from yourself? Is it possible for you to choose words everyday that help reinforce the positivity in your own life? Remember, every single word we speak is heard by our “self’s”.
I will give you an example,
I have avoided as many times as I could possibly the use of the word “but” in the last 300 or so pages. I know I used it a few times here and there and it was totally on purpose that I tried to avoid its usage, “but” is a handy word to use in places and can tie a sentence together real easy, it is the beginning of an excuse and if we are to find and use excuses all of the time we will never get anything done. This was a choice I made some time ago not to allow for the use of the word “but” in my vocabulary. It creates a kind of avenue to an excuse that people will use to get out of something or to side step an issue. I do not use it, well I try not to use it as often as possible as I do not wish to side step or make excuses for one thing or another. Another is when we use the word “hate”, how can we use this word so freely? Someone might say “oh I hate when there is a load of traffic” seems innocent enough and cannot be so strong or hurtful as to tell another person “I hate you right now”. It is of course the same word though and I have tried for a long time to not use the word “hate”, I find such a strong little word has a lot of power to it. If we hear ourselves saying the word hate it can have a damming effect inside of our own mind, we do not need to have such a word in our mind and yes you are correct in the fact that it is I who have introduced the word here in our chat. Hearing ourselves say this kind of word only builds on some negative reinforcement inside of our mind. What could we choose to use instead? I dislike when there is traffic or when speaking to another person, I am not very fond of you right now, these are choices we can make. Even though we are saying a similar thing, we are making a nice word negative by using dis-like, like is still in there and this is a better practice to help how we are hearing ourselves. Saying I am not very fond of you is a way again to use the nicer word fond and turn it negative with the word not. These words and using them these ways still express the same sentiment, only when our ears and our mind is listening we will more than likely hear the nice words too. So a lot more nicer to hear like and fond when expressing such sentiments of not being too satisfied.
Our mind is listening all of the time, how we use our words is so important to how our overall health and well being can be. There are tons of examples, perhaps too many to cover here at the end of a book, I would need to bring about a whole new book. There are posts that go around social media these days that explain in a very simple way this exact point, “the person we speak to most in our life is? Yup it is ourselves. So say nice things”.
Did you know that many people have extremely bad habits when speaking? Oh god what a shocker lol. Seriously though, they do. I could have said just there, “No, but seriously they do”. This is the point about it, if you listen, so many people begin a sentence with “No”. It is amazing to hear and now that I have introduced it, you will begin to notice it more.
Example of a conversation.
John. I was going to peel the potatoes for dinner later, do you have any preference for what you would like for dinner?
Anne. Ahh it’s fine whatever you wanna do will be okay.
John. No, I mean I am asking you what would you like to have?
Anne. No, it’s fine whatever you choose.
John. Okay I will make some chops and spuds so if that is okay with you?
Anne. Like I said I do not care one way or the other. If you want I can make my own if you are busy.
John No, I am asking cause I wanted to know, I have loads of time.
What do our ears hear when we are speaking like this? We hear the word “NO” a lot and we also hear pieces that are negative “I do not care” we are also hearing “whatever” these words and phrases all would need to have some counteracting words somewhere throughout the day to remove them from our mind.
The conversation could go
John. I am making some dinner, do you have any preference?
Anne. That is great, I will like anything that you decide to make.
John. Okay, I am open to your suggestions of what you like?
Anne. I am totally fine with making my own if you are caught for time.
John. I am fine for time and I am looking forward to some chops and spuds.
Anne. Great, I will look forward to them too. Yum, delicious.
John,. Sorted so, see you later.
Similar exchange of words relaying the same message just not using the words that might fester inside of our minds. It is a simple example to show how making small choices in the words we use can still deliver the same conversation and leave out the pieces that are automatically negatives.
Our brain is listening all of the time and when we are being mean or cruel to someone with our words, it is not only the intended person who we are targeting that is receiving the tongue lashing, we are hearing them as well. How do we bring about changes in this area of our life? We begin to replace words in our vocabulary, we use different words to say the same things. Instead of using the word “but” we can find alternatives, however or also or it would be possible for me to do this however I may be a little late and not get around to it. This sounds like a long version of speaking But it works. Hahahaha.
When I speak out loud or to myself I try to remain conscious of what words I am using and when at all possible I will catch myself and use alternate words to maintain a nice flow of nice words in what my ears and mind are listening to. It is from choosing my words that I can maintain a nice positive vibe inside of my mind. When we become aware of the words that we are using and being kind to ourselves by better word choices in how we speak, we become aware of how others are speaking too. It is like an epidemic and so much negativity spewing everywhere. Our own awareness is all we can be responsible for, well maybe our children too, we do have a large hand in how they will speak so it is good to teach them early.
The effects of speaking clearly and using words by choice is a great way to maintain a positive upbeat motion to our journey in life, we recognise how others are speaking too and we now have so much stored up in our own positive storage that other people’s words become less powerful and have less effect upon us. We can become immune to negativity altogether. All of this by just altering some of our own words. Is it really possible? I merely am putting it out there for you to try and see how it works for you. Imagine actually becoming immune to the effects of negative people and negative words? That would be amazing wouldn’t it?
Another simple technique to assist in creating a fuller and nicer life for ourselves. All we have to do is swap a few words around when we are speaking because when we speak we are actually hearing everything we say. The other people we are speaking to are so caught up in their own world that they are only catching about half of what we are saying. When we begin choosing our words when we speak you will notice that others are now paying full attention. Their own mind also likes to hear nice kind words and yes this all becomes a little contagious too. Our minds like nice soft words, we like positives and we like to hear nice things. This stands then to reason that if we choose to use words that are nicer, our day becomes nicer, people around us deal with us and treat us nicer and in one simple day our life can become less tiring, less filled with negative and an all around nicer day. Leaving us feeling fresh and able to take our evening time out and relax in a much more pleasant way. Fascinating isn’t it?
The use of our words is a tiny change to make, undeniably a very valuable technique. Should you be someone who has to make presentations at work and must deliver sales pitches or anything of the sort, you will know full well that there are certain keywords that you will use in your delivery. The word you will use to “hook” a client and other words to not lose a sale. These are techniques used in business and used by professionals who even write presidential speeches for example. Their words are chosen oh so carefully so as to deliver and have the highest impact. Just like those who choose and use words for a living, we are allowed to reap the benefit of choosing our words too. Our benefit is not for financial gain in a job or to win over the hearts of voters on a political campaign. Ours is to sooth our own heart and mind. To continue to be nice to ourselves and allow our emotions to flow freely, our goal and our aim is to win over ourselves. When we have discovered more about self we can begin to introduce self to the world and let me tell you the world is waiting and ready to receive you with open arms
.
Never underestimate the power of your words, the power of how we use them and when we use them. Because we are focused on self and the discovery of self, our words mean everything to us. It is important to remember that how we speak at all times is what we hear, we can choose our words so carefully that we will be wound up tight like an elastic band on one of those foam aeroplanes. Probably better we make subtle changes and do it gradually to allow ourselves a little time to get used to the new ideas and this new version of ourselves. We are not in any rush to achieve and a slow building foundation for ourselves can be an everlasting one.
Once we begin changing our words and we feel the effects of how powerful they really are, it will be like this massive eye opener and something we will find hard to understand how we have not done this sooner. Sometimes we will find ourselves in a situation where our words will not be appreciated and there is no need for us to lower our tone to suit those around us. And then other times there will be times where best to just say nothing. Another saying for ya “if you have nothing good to say, then say nothing”. Should you ever feel the need for a balance and the ying and yang & day and night & the tide coming in and going out all feel out of whack, go have a screaming session and let out as much of it as you can to balance. There will be times that we will hold our tongue because we have become conscious of how we choose our words and we rather to say nothing than to be hurtful to another, remembering that it is more than likely we will be hurtful to ourselves because we are listening too. It is okay to have a session of letting out all that we have held in, it is actually a little healthy to have a complete blow off of steam sometimes. It is suggested that we do it in a controlled and safe environment like therapy as the therapist can provide us with a safe control to return us back to ourselves and not leave us all depleted and sore.
Amazing that words can do so much for us and can remove so much too. I like to think in a positive tone in my mind and I like to speak as often as I can with nice words. You should try this as often as possible and by being aware that it is you who is listening the most then it makes most sense to be even some times a little over the top and super nice as we all deserve this too.
I am glad you have read this far and that you are seriously considering some changes in your life. I can only assure you that you will have the best of time by adapting some little techniques into your daily living and keeping in mind that it is a coming together of all aspects of these exercises that can complete you to be a very healthy and happy person. Happy and healthy is a beautiful way to feel and when feeling this, others begin to feel it too. There is so much to look forward to on our journey that it is really super to actually feel alive and well. Our words and how we use them in our everyday life has a massive impact and you too will find how beautiful this is.
It all only takes a few minor changes along our day to day routine and the benefits are beyond our dreams and beyond how we could ever have envisioned our life to be.
A.McNallyauthor.com 