Big word for 5 letters isn’t it?
A suggestion of what does this word actually mean. I have looked for examples and explanations of what exactly does GRIEF mean? I can say that it is a question that I have asked for a number of years now and to be brutally honest with you, I have yet to receive a clear answer.
Grief is totally different for every person, grief and grieving is as individual as the person themselves that is experiencing the grief. There is no “one size fits all”. We find ourselves in an emotional meteor shower, a time warp along with a mind warp and some very strange things happen within us and around us.
Living in grief, living through grief and living with grief can be very difficult for any person. Those of you reading right now because you saw this post title and are searching for anything to cling on to as your grief journey is absolutely killing you right now. I can testify right now to you that life is possible while in, with or going through grief. I can hear you screaming at me, HOW?
For you and me it can seem like nothing is possible, nothing is going to bring them back and the pain that that thought brings with it feels unbearable. I know, I know.
Perhaps this could be the simple play on words,
GOING to RELIVE IT EVERY FUCKING day!
Only a possible meaning and yes the expletive is totally there on purpose. This is just what grief and grieving sounds like sometimes, or feels like and there is no word too strong to use to explain any of it.
Ah yes, you may question the position I come from to begin to be in a position to make any sense of it at all. Rightfully so.
I understand that when you are grieving and hurting that it would be nice to find somebody who knows what it is like. Someone who might have two or three words to just help take away the pain. Not only emotional pains, mental torture inside of our minds and why is it that when we are having a better day and involved in anything different, a nice day for example, that as if in the blink of an eye our mind can return to a thought of how they are not here. What can follow this kind of thought can be all kinds of mixed emotions. Sadness is probably the understatement of my post today. Throw in a little dash of confused along with helpless and of course the gaping hole in our heart. Yup this sums up a simple moment in grief alright.
Where do I come from and what is my position?
I became an expert in this grief stuff without ever attending any college. I graduated through the ranks because of sitting by gravesides of my children. My two sons. My 1st born son who was lowered to his grave by myself and my brothers when he was only 15 years old back in 2011. Imagine, it is going to be 10 years ago this year.
With a melted mind and a heavy heart I was very lost in life from that day forward.
In 2014 I was graveside again and my second born son was lowered down. He was 1 year and 4 months old when he passed. Another hard shocker that it will be 7 years this year.
It has been through the years of struggle and tough loss feelings that today in 2021 I can write this post. Those two experiences of sudden deaths to my two healthy children, those experiences are where my expertise on the topic has grown from.
Like I had said, no college course for me on the subject of grief, life and life lessons perhaps. An inquiring mind of a man, a father who could not settle for “they are gone” and “get over it”.
Where did all the sensitivity come from?
Why did it become hard to be around families and children?
Why did dark lonely nights become so disturbing?
Understanding to a point and really, like, only knowing these types of questions have been helpful turning points. Do “normal” people sit there having a laugh with their friends and then all of a sudden feel like they have to go home?
Strange is what it is.
The expert piece is something that has be born out or determination and a huge dose of stubbornness. I am a person who will not lie down, I do not give up.
I began writing and this was a huge soothing process. I took the feelings out of myself and put them into books. I will always say that I understand it is a different journey for every person and books and writing may not be your thing. Try a painting, plant a tree, build a chair, make a cushion or build a shed. Whatever it is that can help you translate your feelings into a project of any kind. Something you can do for yourself. A project where you know the reason behind it, a project to offer to your loved one as a way of helping to cope with a ton of confusion inside of yourself. For me it became writing. For you it can be writing too and if you need to you could burn each and every little note that you write.
The projects I am speaking of are something for you to do entirely for yourself and by yourself. A token of your love for your loved one who has passed.
You may say right now that these things are not for you and, what do I know?
I know nothing.
The journey for me has been all about how much I do not know. How much I will never understand.
What I can offer you is a great read of my life story. I wrote this in 2015 ~ 2016. The title,
TWO sons TOO many ~ memoir
A very exciting life story with some very real life heart breaking moments. The kind of book that will make ya laugh out loud and also have you in tears. I guess my own emotions just poured into it when I was writing it. I was trying to believe it had all happened and really taken place. This memoir launched me into writing more.
My 4th book is a different kind of book. I wrote this book in 2019 and as I was continuing with my questioning and looking for answers. I noted down many of the simple things that have helped me, not only through a journey of grief. My journey through life on a whole and not only in rebuilding myself and living with grief. Much more of what I have learned in how to cope with many situations in life.
Layman’s Handbook, in life ~ selfhelp was released in October 2019.
The subtitles are these, “Simple tools to change how we live”.
A journey to SELF.
Is this a manual for dealing with grief? Not exactly, though it sure has a peppering of that in there. There are 27 chapters to browse through and find which one may help you the most.
Again it is not from any academic teachings or classes I have ever took. I simply wanted to share how I have found great benefits through things like meditation, for example. Though I can proudly boast how Layman’s Handbook has won an award of excellence and is the 2021 winner in the category of Body, Mind & Spirit.
Not too bad for a man who was shattered to a million pieces in 2011, rebuilt and got pulverised in 2014 again. Yes indeed I have continued on my journey to self and I have shared these simple tools with you in Layman’s Handbook.
This is what I meant when I said it is possible to continue to live in grief. It is still possible to live with grief. It is still possible to live while going through grief.
As an author now, I appreciate every little piece of support I can get for my journey as a writer. You can buy my books on amazon, just search for Aidan Mc Nally. They are available in paperback and ebook.
I ask of you to share posts like these whenever you see them as you actually never know who might see you sharing it and they may find comfort in knowing that someone else like me also has had some very tough days with life and grief.
I would also like to ask you the favour of retweeting and following along with my journey as ya never know what my blog posts might say next. If it comes into my head, I will probably make a posts about it. I don’t ever wish for anyone to take my word for anything. I hope to encourage my readers to begin to think for themselves. The only way I could find answers to all of my questions was to begin to slow my mind down and start thinking for myself anway. I will always say, because of what I have learned:
For all of the questions we have ~ we also have a lot of answers.
Follow along on social media ~ FB & Twitter
Check out my website
I thank you for reading and I look forward to your review of any of my books.
Oh yeah and don’t forget to share this post. My work as an author depends on it (lol) and a random stranger out there could love you for it.
Now bring on this summer of 2021….